New 'Simoleonase' Enzyme A Magic Bullet for Ethanol Industry?
Government researchers have announced a promising technological development that may turn the ethanol industry on its head. In a joint press conference this morning (April 1), top scientists from Growth Energy, joined by representatives of the US Department of Agriculture, the Environmental Protection Agency and the Treasury Department, gathered to brief the media on a new enzyme, dubbed 'simoleonase,' that could radically change the biofuels landscape. According to the researchers, simoleonase enables near effortless conversion of paper currency directly into ethanol.
With today's breakthrough, we no longer have to engage in the grossly inefficient process of using taxpayer subsidies to fund cultivation of feedstocks like corn that are then converted into ethanol. With simoleonase enzyme, we are converting cold, hard US dollars directly into clean, green ethanol produced right here in the US. We're eliminating the middleman, delivering a quality product to the American taxpayer and moving closer to energy independence. Our initial tests show that $50 bills have the right moisture content and density for maximum ethanol output, and therefore our agency will ramp up printing of those bills in order to feed the demand expected by ethanol producers. Jerry Hathaway, Department of Treasury spokesman.
Members of Congress from farm states where biofuels are big business were quick to react to news of the simoleonase enzyme. "We must ensure that no Brazilian reals make their way into American gas tanks," said House Agriculture Chairman Collin Peterson (D-Minn.). "I only want to see stacks of crisp fifties going to US ethanol producers." “As someone who’s been a naysayer about corn ethanol, I have to admit this is a real biofuels breakthrough, and my hat is off to the guys at Growth Energy,” said Ken Cook, Environmental Working Group’s president. “If we can limit the program to U.S. currency, and maybe expand it to Treasury notes, we could be on the path to energy independence at last.” Echoing Rep. Peterson, however, Cook warned that “Brazil will fight to get into the market with their deflated currency, so this could be another nightmare for the US Trade Representative.” The National Corn Growers Association reacted differently. "As holders of billions in US dollars, Big Oil companies like Exxon and Shell stand to benefit the most from this new misguided policy. Is this the new energy economy we were promised by this administration?"